Is He Out There?
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if God is really out there.
That's right, sometimes I wonder if He exists at all. I guess I can't help it. I'm not the type of person to accept everything. I don't take everything at face value. There are long spells in my life where I can't seem to feel God at all. And for some reason I trudge on. I can't seem to stop.
I remember being asked a question earlier this year: What word best defines your relationship with God? And you know what I said? Not love, not dependence, not hope...Struggle. Struggle is the best word to define my relationship with God. So often I feel like Jacob on the banks of the river, wrestling that mysterious stranger. I struggle back and forth, trying to find faith, trying to submit to God, and trying the whole time to do things my way. I don't have it all together. Anyone who claims to have it all together, anyone who claims his walk is going well is a liar. As soon as I think I've got it all together, as soon as I think I'm on track, BAM, I fall down again. Or God shoves me out of my comfort zone and I flee to old habits that never seem to die.
And then some days I wonder if He even exists at all. Where was God during the Holocaust? Where is He in Africa, a world of AIDS and warfare, where children carry machine guns and anybody could die for any reason any day? Where is God when somebody loses a mother, or a child, or a spouse? Where is He in the auto accident, the plane crash, the suicide bombing? Sometimes I wonder if He is out there at all.
But I always come back to Him. Maybe it's because if there is no eternal life, everything is pointless. Without eternity, there is absolutely nothing to live for. Maybe it's because I have to hope that there is an end to all this suffering. Maybe I have to believe that I am not alone. And maybe it's because I have to think that there is something better than all this.
And then I see it. I see a little girl smile and point at a butterfly. I feel the warm pressure of the girl I love holding my hand tightly. I hear Handel played beautifully. I see a shooting star, or a wave curl and crash on a sandy beach. I read about Martin Luther King, Jr. I learn about missionaries sacrificing their lives. I see a businessman stop and take a homeless women out to lunch and I see a little boy help an old woman across a busy street. I hear the words I love you, and thank you, stated with meaning. I hear the hope in the voices of those yearning for a better tomorrow, I hear the sound of a gospel choir in a church in the projects lifting their voices to a God of hope and love and peace. A God who promises a tomorrow that is better than today, a tomorrow that lasts for eternity. A God who brings hope and love and peace.
And that's when I know that there is a God.
posted by Mike | 7:47 PM
4 Comments:
That was amazing. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who experiences periods like that. Sometimes I wonder if I'm such a good Christian if I still have moments of doubt. Thanks Mike. <3!!
Struggle is something that I now believe we were meant to face so that God can strengthen us. It used to make me angry when I witnessed unexplainable things occuring in the lives of good people. But rest assured that if you struggle...you are being shaped by Him to live out your purpose.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18:
Seeing the Invisible
16 Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
17 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding eternal weight of glory,
18 while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.
As for believing the unseen...I've questioned before too. But each time I can't accept the 'no'. For me, the big reassurance comes from being out in nature.
Romans 1:20:
For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse.
Step outdoors and He is all around. :)
Great post! Take car, mike.
--Stace
Sometimes I can't help but wonder if God is actually out there.
That's right, sometimes I wonder if he exists. I guess I can't help it. I'm not the type of person to accept everything. I don't take everything at face value. There are short spells in my life where I can almost seem to feel God.
Like When I see a little girl smile and point at a butterfly. I hear Handel played beautifully. I see a shooting star, or a wave curl and crash on a sandy beach. I read about Martin Luther King, Jr. I learn about missionaries sacrificing their lives. I see a businessman stop and take a homeless women out to lunch and I see a little boy help an old woman across a busy street. I hear the words I love you, and thank you, stated with meaning. I hear the hope in the voices of those yearning for a better tomorrow.
I begin to think: if there is no eternal life, everything is pointless. Without eternity, there is absolutely nothing to live for. But then I realize that there is plenty to live for, like those things I just mentioned that bring me joy.
I then begin to wonder, where was God during the Holocaust? Where is He in Africa, a world of AIDS and warfare, where children carry machine guns and anybody could die for any reason any day? Where is God when somebody loses a mother, or a child, or a spouse? Where is He in the auto accident, the plane crash, the suicide bombing?
And that's when I know that there isnt a God.
(It works both ways :-) )
-Anon
Matthew 6:68...Every time I think about leaving, I realize I have no place else to go. Sometimes I doubt the truth of God, but always deep down I know that if this is not true, then nothing is true. And ultimately, I refuse to accept that, however atrractive it seems. Which is why I'm still here, trudging along...
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